Rogues Gallery

by Rogues Gallery

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1.
how
2.
i never meant to but then I lost you the feelings messed me up tell me it isn’t true then I heard that he was breaking out i heard him scream it she should be mine run barry run i lost my girl running in circles we must save the world at the costume party i took my ring off turned back around and then you were gone run barry run i lost my girl running in circles we must save the world run barry run and never look back this world never cuts a speedster any slack (brief summary of The Flash (vol. 1) #270-#284)
3.
back2u 03:41
bustin out of another penitentiary cell where you threw me from, my love where you threw me from, my love getting down to my twenty-first century sound are you listening to my voice as I fly back around? what if I was dead? i’m out having nice dreams instead but i’ll get out some day and i’ll keep coming right back to you babe, back to you babe. hey baby, have you seen my band? they’re a bunch of nice guys just like me but, what they don’t understand is i have to spend five hundred dollars on a flight if we ever wanna have a meeting when it’s like brothers, cmon, can’t you just use zoom? not the guy but rather the application LA LA LA LA LA LA LA and then i really died i went and died for real this time but i’ll get out some day and i’ll keep coming right back to you babe, back to you babe LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
4.
in the jungle theres a city hidden by illusion led by grodd he’s called grodd in the city intelligent gorillas parade around for grodd he's called grodd you’ve entered the city of grodd he’s called grodd in the monkey there’s a primal fear of their almighty monkey god he’s called grodd in the devil there’s a power unimaginable held by grodd the mind of grodd you’ve entered the city of grodd beware all speedsters there is an attack on your mind now he’s come to get you you will not see (he’s telepathic) he is a monkey but do not think that he is stupid psionic powers hatred for man he’ll fucking kill you you should pray to your god BECAUSE HE'S GORILLA GRODD you’ve entered the city of grodd beware his mind gorilla grodd
5.
mirrors 01:27
if i could be your mirror see you stare at me i know i'd look right through you yet i don't like what i see
6.
so, i’ve been told by a few people now that i may come off as a little “frosty”. but i mean it's tough doing what i do, robbing jewelry stores and derailing trains. and it sucks because you hear about all these other guys, being peoples favorites, but never me. it makes me sometimes ask myself, am i not good enough? and it feels like all these new guys copying my thing, it’s just really hard sometimes i feel like i never get any of the recognition i deserve. but why should i be so down on myself all the time, i’ve done amazing things, things these other guys couldn't dream of. i invented a way to stop atoms in their tracks, none of these other villains could do what i’ve done. like don’t even get me started on mr freeze, dude walks around in an astronaut getup and expects us to take him seriously like cmon. have i mentioned i’m the master of absolute zero? mr freeze is just some lovesick idiot with an ice pistol. he shoots snow! batman doesn’t even have powers, he’s just some guy! my guy runs at the speed of light, he can travel through time on a frickin treadmill you think mr scientist over in gotham could take out some chump but no, he can’t even save his own damn wife alright leonard, it seems we’ve touched a nerve here, i hypothesize your father’s abuse in the back of an ice cream truck may have given you a pavlovian response to the feeling of cold, and now your latent inferiority complex has convinced you that other people with similar powers have been poaching your identity, is this sounding correct? (uh, maybe?) as we’re nearing the end of our session, why don’t we go over that exercise we’ve come up with? i’m going to list off some of the people you think have been stealing from you, and we’re going to go over what makes them different from you. killer frost (crazy) polar boy (foolish) laufey (too blue) minister blizzard (who) ice (basic) iceman (hothead) icicle (pointy) icicle jr. (is that his son?) frozone (super suit) elsa (dramatic) ice king (geezer) haku (simp) sub-zero (busted) night king (disappointing) white witch (killed aslan) the thing (great movie) santa (commie) frosty the snowman (dumb) the abominable snowman (dumber) regular snowmen (brainless) jack frost (asshole) jack torrence (dickhead) the entire season of winter (bullshit) snow buddies (idiots) snowboarders (losers) ice fishers (posers) snow plows (useless) zambonis (stupid name) yetis (nope) polar bears (nah) igloos (no way) weather wizard (he’s cool i guess)
7.
the fog wraps over the city like an elaborate costume change; stretching out our familiarities and convincing us of an individuality that we dare not truly possess unable to bear the thought, the mist condenses and begins to beat on the pavement until its temper passes. today it seems to remain quite upset grasping my wand in hand i begin my trek through the desert. the passage of time begins to fold into itself as i approach the apex and begin my ritual the fibers of my being shake at every inclination of my success. i watch the new dawn rise over an acclimated oasis and begin to hypothethize how i’ll screw it up perhaps today the snow will crush us completely. a death by pure pressure, the unending embrace we call to each other for, above the droves of citizens as they stand unknowing i am a believer in circumstance but also a believer in failure. years of gluttonous repetition have lulled me into complacency, as the shelter crumbles i find myself a storm with no eye whatever seeds i have planted are washed away by the rain. excuses conjure themselves and multiply overhead in their interpretive dance, scoring a perfect ten from all judges unfortunately, solutions remain locked in a case labeled “when serious break glass.” the face within frowns, knowing that although i can control the weather, i can’t control myself
8.
Heatwave 03:28
wake up, bed sheets on the floor too hot, couldn’t take ‘em anymore sun’s out, won't find any shade roll over, can’t do another day i look right and you’re not next to me always thought that we were meant to be and now, there’s nothing i can say so i roll over, i can’t do another day heatwave yeah, you hit me like a heatwave had me hot like a heatwave now i’m sweating out your heatwave stick my head in the freezer, slam the door shut maybe that’s what’ll finally shut your voice up this heat has me in crisis, don’t know what to do but i’d be doing nothing anyways here without you because the ac’s broken and the fans won’t work and i’ve already sweat through like four different shirts you got me messed up, with the games that you play so i roll over, i can’t do another day heatwave yeah, you hit me like a heatwave had me hot like a heatwave now i’m on fire from your heatwave can’t outrun your heatwave yeah, you hit me like a heatwave had me hot like a heatwave now i’m in burning in your heatwave (heatwave. heatwave) first you helped me beat the cold thawed the frost inside my soul then i helped you kill your dad? we were feeling pretty rad. the heat is moving through the city and it isn’t looking pretty like fire shooting from a gun or like we’re running round the sun i can’t stand this heatwave yeah you hit me like a heatwave you had me hot like a heatwave but now i’m melting in your heatwave heatwave etc
9.
if i could steal the speedforce what would i use it for? running around like he does i'll never know for sure if we could steal the speedforce what would we use it for? being here together how could we ask for more? and we hate barry allen oh we hate barry allen why can't we catch this guy? why can't we get him? i hate barry allen
10.
grundy have something to say grundy think it unfair his treatment by prolific canadian soft-rock band Crash Test Dummies grundy of course referring to early 90s contemporary rock song “Superman’s Song” in song, grundy is painted in very negative light as enemy of superman and world at large. in reality, grundy more of a misunderstood monster. grundy consider himself to be more petty criminal, terrorizing parks and small businesses, not much of worldwide threat grundy actually good friends with Superman. went to his wedding. all this evidence shows negligence on part of Crash Test Dummies towards grundy’s own history. grundy wasn’t born yesterday… it was monday.

about

barry allen will not see this coming

credits

released March 1, 2023

THE ROGUES ARE:

LUKE KELLY IS LEONARD SNART IS CAPTAIN COLD

MATTHEW KENNEDY IS SAM SCUDDER IS MIRROR MASTER

AIDAN LANGER IS PAPER TIGER IS EOBARD THAWNE IS REVERSE-FLASH

the rogues would like to thank: myles alexander, chris cole, christian spencer, nick slade, rat & ratt

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